Based on a True Story from one of the software firms in Silicon Valley: contributed by Rupali Patel --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Notice at a Software firm in Silicon Valley - from Human Resources Director To all Hindi-speaking staff It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy,is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues. Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules: Words like "CHUTIYA,GANDU" and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say "CHUTIYE AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO" when someone makes a mistake, or "MAA CHUDI BEHENCHOD" when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb "CHOD"are inappropriate in our environment. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as"GADHA", or "CHUTIYA". Lack of determination will not be referred to "KAAMCHOR SALA",and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "AALSI BHOSADIKAA", or "MADARCHOD". Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to "FUCK ALL". Do not say "GAND FADU" if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use "GAND FATI NA", if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "BHOSADE MEIN GAYA" when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "FUCK OFF". Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "BOL TERI KAISE GAND MARUU"? When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "MAA CHUDI PADI HAI" or "GOTI MUH MEIN HAI" No salary increase shall be ever referred to as "KHAIRAAT BAATI HAI". Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners "BADHIR LAVDA". Last, but not least, after reading this memo please do not say "YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI". Just keep it clean and dispose off it properly. We hope you will keep these directions in mind. Sincerely, Human Resources Director